Personal Ethical Issues

The day my heart broke into pieces

Two years ago, I was in charge of " Lectura y Composición 1."  Four of my students had to take what is called at UTN a "examen de sustitución" to define whether they could  pass the course or not. Unfortunately, only two students  got the grade to pass the course.

The two students who failed the course came to talk to me crying and begging for another chance to take the test or to have an extra assignment since their scholarship and their possibility to continue studying was in danger. To worsen the situation, one of them was a single mother who made a great effort to go to classes, and the other one had left home to work and study.  Honestly, I felt really sad and worried, but I told them  they had not developed the abilities needed to continue with the next course, so I could not do anything to help them. 

I explained that I had done everything the university allowed me to do, and it was unethical to give them another chance, for I knew they had not achieved the course objectives. I suggested them to talk to the director of the program and to Vida Estudiantial to try to find a solution to their problem.In fact,I believe that, even thought my heart broke into pieces because I could actually feel their pain, I made the right decision  since it is my responsibilty to guarantee my students develop the skills they need to really use English fluently and accurately. 

Those two students are not in the EFL program anymore, not because of the course they failed with me, but because they failed other courses as well. Indeed, that shows they were not ready to move on. 

Marcos

Years ago, when I worked as a teacher at an elementary school, there was a trouble student who none of the teachers liked. His name was Marcos, and he was known at school because he constantly  misbehaved in class and challenged teachers. That year, he did particularly well in my class, and even though he did not get a really high grade, he passed my class. However, a day before giving my students their final grades, one of my coworkers, the kid's regular teacher,  came to my class and asked me about him. I told her he had got a " 71."

Then, she told me that he had failed three subjects with her, so he was going to "convocatorias." However, she wanted him to fail the grade level, but I had to help her by giving him a lower grade, this way he could not have the right to take any other test.

I inmediately said "no" for that meant I was lying to the student and to myself. Although he was not the "perfect student" many teachers wish to have, he made a great effort to pass my class, and he did it, so he deserved my respect. My  coworker understood my position and accepted my decision without complaining. At the end, he got to pass the three tests and was promoted to the next grade level.

Nowadays, that student is my neighbord, and anytime I see him going to work and with a more positive attitude, I think I made the right decision. Actually, I believe that passing my class with a "71" showed him he could do well and made him change for good. 

Threat

Five years ago, my youngest daughter was in sixth grade. She had a friend, María José, who was having a difficult time at home. Her mom was always absent, and her stepfather did not pay any attention to her, either. At school, she had serious difficulties with her regular teacher, for "Niña Aurora" constantly told her and many other students that they were mediocre. 

When my daughter told me that, I decided to intervene for I could not stand the way the teacher was treating the other students. So, I talked to the teacher (but she did not really care), to the principal, and to the parents whose sons and daughters were being affected. 

Nevertheless, the school teachers did not agree on having me supporting the students, so one day one of them threatened me by saying that if  I did not stop intervening and helping parents, the Sindicato de Educadores Costarricenses (SEC) was going to sue me, for an English advisor can only provide guidance on topics related to language, and not on evaluation or any other subject. 

I talked to my boss, and she told me that was not true. In fact, it is my responsibility to know about many different things and provide the information when needed, so, I decided to keep fighting. At the end, "Niña Aurora" talked to me again and promised to make changes on the way she was approaching the students. María José  and the other kids kept at school and graduated.

Nowadays, I greet all teachers at that school, even the one who threatened me. I´m, proud of my decision to keep fighting for my daughter´s classmates. I learned that, even sometimes people want you to weaken, if the truth is in your hands, nothing can stop you for doing good.

 My Husband "The Thief"

My husband, Johnny,  works for the IMAS. Honestly, it has been really hard to stand the behavior of certain people who take my husband's decisions at work really personal, and they called him "sapo," "maldito," "juega de vivo," just because he denied a benefit to a person who, according to the IMAS' guidelines, does not apply for the help. 

For example, a year ago a gossip spread around the town where we live. Somebody said that everything we have bought or built at home was because of the money Johnny had stolen from IMAS, and that he had been fired because he was proven to be a "thief." That gossip spread so rapidly that people who did not get a positive answer when he attended them at  IMAS started calling the office again to get an appointment with the new employee (the one replacing my husband). Even, there were some friends from Puntarenas and Liberia who called home to know if it was true Johnny was found guilty of fraud and was fired. Johnny and I couldn't believe our ears. In fact, in just a couple of days, my husbands' reputation was trampled. We were really upset and furious. 

A few days later, we found out who started the gossiping, thanks to a cousin who had heard the lady at the EBAIS.  I then decided that I was going to look for her and make her understand that she can't mess up with my family. 

By coincidence, I found her once when I was driving back home, so I stopped the car and talked to her. I said: “Doña Lorena, I'm really upset with what you have said about my husband. You have to understand that Johnny and I have studied and worked really hard in life to have what we have. We don´t have money but DEBTS at the bank, but our salaries let us pay each of them on time. I won't let you trample my husband's and family's reputation just because you want to do so. If you continue gossiping about us, I'll sue you without any doubt. We don't disrespect anyone since we want to be treated respectfully as well. I'm warming you: if you don't say the truth to the people and stop gossiping, you will know what Gabriela Castillo and Johnny García can do at court. We are not thieves, but hardworking people." The lady assured me she hadn't said anything about us, and that she loved Johnny as a son. YES; SURE! I thought. I got into the car again and went home. 

I'm really proud of what I did, and I would undoubtedly do it again. I firmly believe gossipy people like this woman have to be stopped immediately. I'm tired of mean people who just want to destroy a person's life only because they couldn't get what they wanted. If they mess up with my family, they will kow a lioness looks like; they definetely will. 

Talk to "El Diputado"

Nine years ago, the former Regional English Language Advisor in San Carlos talked to me. She told me that she was going to retire, and that she thought I was a good candidate to take her position. At first, I felt  overwhelmed and afraid because, to me, to take that job was a huge  challenge. I was not sure if I had what it was needed to perform well, but then I decided to give it a try. 


 I took me resume to the regional director and waited. Supposedly, there was another teacher applying for the job, so I was not sure if I was going to be selected or not.  Soon, the news spread about my chance to get the position, so many neighbors came to me and told me that Salvador Quirós, a member of the community, was “the  diputado," and that I should talk to him and ask for her to get the job. 

In fact, I still remember the day I was at the church, and somebody touched my shoulder and said: "Go, go, there he is; talk to him." I did not move a muscle, and I went home immediately.  I decided that if was the one to be  chosen, it had to be because of my knowledge, abilities, and talents, and not because of the influence "a diputado" had on someone's decision. Truly, I have never being fun of any specific political party; I vote for whom I consider to be the best candidate. Therefore, I did not want my name related to any diputado or political party because that, to me, was not an honest act. 

Nowadays, after eight years as the regional advisor, I don’t regret my decision. As a matter of fact, some teachers have asked me if was chosen to be an advisor because of political reasons, and I have, proudly, told them that was not my case. I strongly believe you get a position based on your competencies to carry out the job, and not because of the power certain political parties or people think they have to decide who gets a job.

Oh gosh, I am pregnant!

I got pregnant at age 19. I was in my first year of my career at the UCR. I was scared, worried, and frustrated even though, Johnny (my husband) stood by me at all times. 

Coming from a very conservative family and a really small town, I was freaked out about what people could say about me, for I had always being considered by the community and my family as a really smart girl; someone who would succeed in life. Therefore, as soon as people found out I was pregnant, that image they had about me would vanish immediately. I cried a lot, and I went to church to "talk to God" and ask for advice, but I was so afraid of what was going to happen that I decided that the best option was to have an abortion. Then, Johnny and I found out that there was this doctor who could help me to have an abortion, so we went to look for him at the hospital. There, I sat at a bench while Johnny tried to find him. Suddenly, a nurse sat next to me and asked what was wrong. I just told her I was pregnant, so she started telling me how beautiful to be a mother is, and that babies are a gift. She said so many wonderful things about motherhood, that I questioned what was about to do.

 After some days of deep and thoughtful reflection, I decided to have the baby, even though that meant to face my parents and the rest of the community. At the end, I was stronger than I thought. Actually, I still remember when mom told me "You're staying in Lepanto," and I said "No." "Johnny and I will keep studying, and we both will take care of the baby." I asked for my dad's blessing, and I left home holding Johnny's hand. I did not look back or hear my mom’s crying. 

Although that time at the university was really tough because we scarcely had food, clothes, or money, I'm really happy of the decision I made to keep my baby. I know she is not here with me anymore because God decided to take her with him first, but she was one of my greatest blessings; one of my most beautiful gifts. She gave me the strength I needed when I felt I couldn't continue anymore. 

Perhaps, I broke some family rules, and my parents were really disappointed of me, but who cares, if the life of my Katherine flourished.  Now, anytime I hear a girl gets pregnant, I don't criticize her. I just imagine what she is going through, and I ask God to send another "nurse" to convince her to keep the baby. Besides, I stop people from criticizing her as well, and I remind them that what she needs is support, not scolding. 

A Matter of Responsibility

Last week, the II English Teaching Congress of the Huetar Northern Region took place at CTEC, Santa Clara. I was part of the organizing committee which had been working for more than a year to have everything ready to provide teachers with good-quality presenters. The Congress was on Tuesday and Friday, from 7:00 a.m. to 6:p.m., to complete a 20-hour training that will allow attendees to get a certificate.

Teachers from MEP had the chance to register, and I was the one who made sure they got that permission for going. To do so, the regional director at San Carlos signed up a paper authorizing them to attend the event. Actually, more than 100 educators from San Carlos signed up for the congress.

To get the participation certificate, they had to complete the 20 hours of training, so I made sure each of them had fulfilled that requirement. However, there was a teacher who went to the Congress on Thursday, but left at noon, and he did not attend Friday's workshops. Where was he? Did he go back to school? Did he get sick? Therefore, I called him to ask for an explanation.

He told me that the Congress had not met his expectations since he was expecting a list of games and detailed activities he could apply in the classroom right away, so  I explained to him that a congress' workshops and plenaries are not meant to do so, but that each teacher  learns, refreshes , or adapts what he considers helpful for him as a professional.

Did you go to school on Friday, then? and he said, "No." How come? Where were you? He told me that he went downtown to run some errands. Honestly, I couldn´t believe my ears, so I "scolded" him for what he had done because that meant he had an unjustified absence to his job, and that was not good at all. Also, I explained to him that it was my responsibility to report his absence from the congress to his school principal, so he had to be ready to face any consequence his decision may have brought.

I do not regret calling the school principal. I believe that if you are granted a permission to go to an activity, you have to be there at all times. Besides, as the regional advisor on behalf of the Ministry of Public Education, I have to guarantee that my colleagues really take advantage of the time granted for training; and if they don’t do it, they may not deserve a permission anymore.

A White Lie

Almost a year ago, my dad had an accident; he was hit by a motorcycle, an his brain was severely damaged. He was taken from Hospital La Anexión in Nicoya to Hospital México in San José, specifically to the neurology section. He was in comma for almost two months since his brain was swollen, and  nobody knew if he was going to be able to make it.  Thank God and to the great job of each of the neurologists, he got a little bit better, and then he was transferred to a regular room for one more month. 

When the time came to leave the hospital and continue rehabilitation, the doctors decided that he was going to be sent to Hospital Monseñor Sanabria in Puntarenas, because, according to them, that hospital was closer to where my parents live. Unfortunately, that was bad news for the whole family because, even though we are from Lepanto, Puntarenas, to get to the hospital we got to take the ferry; besides, we don´t have any relatives at Puntarenas, so to be with dad, we had to pay for a hotel. Also, Monseñor Sanabria Hospital does not have a really good reputation, so we were scared of what could happen to dad there. Honestly, we wanted him to be sent to the Centro Nacional de Rehabilitation located behind Hospital Mexico, which is one of the best in the country. 

Then my family had this great idea!!! I have a sister who lives in Pavas, and who was taking care of mom while dad was in the hospital, so my brothers, sisters, and cousins decided to tell the doctors that my parents didn’t live in Lepanto anymore, for they  moved to Pavas to live with my sister long time ago (which was not true). We agreed that if asked about my dad's address, we were going to provide my sister's.

At the end, doctors believed what we said, and dad was transferred to CENARE, so it was easier for the whole family to take care of him there. Moreover, a month later, he got a hydrocephaly, and he had an urgent surgery, this time at Hospital San Juan de Dios, health center which people who live in Pavas attend. At that hospital, they saved my dad's life again.

I know we didn´t say the whole truth to the doctors, but I don’t regret that at all. Thanks to that "white lie" my daddy got the best treatment, and now he is still with us. Indeed, I believe that lie was because of three good reasons: 1. to have the chance to be closer to dad and take care of him while in the hospital; 2. to have mom closer to him, this way helping her not to get into a depression; 3. to have my dad on the hands of some of the best neurologists in the country. Actually, If I have to lie again to preserve a relative's life, I would definitely do it. 

That's a lie!

A year ago, while I was parking my car at the INS, Ciudad Quesada, I hit another one. Nothing happened to the car I hit, but to mine. Nobody saw me doing it, but I decided to look for the owner of the other car, so that he could check his before I moved mine. When he came, he inspected his car and said, "Don't worry! Nothing happened to my car. This wrinkle here on the bumper is an old one." 

Because I was at the INS office, and my car has full coverage, I wanted to report the incident; therefore, I asked the man to go inside and testified what he saw. But, then the man's attitude suddenly changed, and he said: “Ok. If I have to declare the incident, then I would say that you hit the car so badly that now it has this wrinkle. I would ask for a new bumper; anyways, your car is new and I guess it has full coverage; nothing is going to happen to you since INS is the one who is going to pay." When I heard him saying such a thing, I told him: "You´re lying. You just said this wrinkle is an old one. It is not right to lie just because you want to take advantage of the situation. I'll go inside, and I will report exactly what happened, and what you told me." I was really mad, and I couldn't believe this man had acted so dishonestly. At the end, he left the place without reporting anything.

I strongly believe I made two right decisions: 1. Instead of intentionally leaving the scene, I looked for the car’ owner, for I think that if we do something wrong, we have to face the consequences; 2. I didn’t accept to participate in “fraud” against INS. I don’t care how much money that insurance company has, nobody should take advantage of another person’s circumstances to get benefits illegally.

To help or not to help?- that is the dilemma

I definitely enjoy more giving tan receiving. Therefore, I tend to help any person or relative as much as I can, trying not to “let not my left hand know what my right is doing.” My husband and I share this feeling, so sometimes we work together to help a family in need, buy our nephews school supplies, take a relative to a private doctor, buy medicines for someone, or many other things. This has brought some difficulties to us; for our relatives think we have a lot money, which is not true at all, and sometimes they don’t see the effort we are doing to provide a helping hand.

For example, my husband has a niece. She has two children and is married to a very irresponsible man. Therefore, on times he left home to drink alcohol or lost his job, we helped our niece with food and clothes for the kids. Honestly, we did it with the greatest pleasure for we taught about the kids’ wellbeing.

However, her husband came back home, and they started a business selling “Tamal asado.” The business is going well, but instead of using that money to take the kids to the doctor or pay debts, they usually post pictures on Facebook about their trips to the beach, to the hot spring waters, and to many other places. Once they even posted a picture of the whole family going to the National Stadium to watch the national soccer team play, which in fact demanded a lot of money since the tickets were really expensive.

In truth, anytime I see those pictures, I get SO ANGRY, and I tell my husband that it is not fair. We have sacrificed many things to help them; for example, we haven’t gone on vacation or bought something that we needed for the house just to have the money to buy food for them. But now that they are going through a better economic situation, it seems they do not establish priorities. Consequently, I talked to my husband and we decided to start making changes. We would not help them anymore, for they do not deserve it.

Nowadays, it is not that we don’t help our relatives, but we have established priorities at home. Then, instead of buying all the school supplies to all the nephews, for instance, we help their parents with certain amount of money, and they have to look for the rest. We “give a hand, not the entire arm.”

I believe my husband and I made the right decision. In fact, I think that when you give people everything, they settle and don’t want to do things on their own.  After that decision, I enrolled into the master’s program; I got private treatment for certain medical conditions I have; I bought electrical appliances I needed at home. Conclusively, it is not that we should not help anyone, but we shouldn´t give away everything so easily because your own family may be suffering the consequences of not prioritizing their needs before others.

The Reference Letter

My husband has a niece.  She has a 3-year old son and lives with a young man in a town near Ciudad Quesada. The problem is that she spends more of her time at her mom’s house sleeping even though his son asks for food or attention. Also, she doesn’t help her mom with the house chores; she just watches TV or listens to music. Besides, although she eats every day at my sister-in-law’s house, she does not even buy a bag of rice to contribute to the expenses.

Once she was applying for a job, so she asked me to write a reference letter for her. I accepted, but it has been one the most challenging tasks I have ever done since I didn’t know what to write. I asked myself: Is she responsible? No. Is she hard-working? No. Is she good at taking care of kids? No. At the end, I was so frustrated for not being able to write the letter, that I decided to think carefully about the good qualities she has, and I found some. It took a while to write the letter, but I can honestly say that I didn’t write anything that wasn’t true.

Why not lying? Why did I spent so much time on a letter that was going to be read by a person who I don’t even know? In truth, I believe that when I write a reference letter for someone, my name and reputation back up what I say, and if I write a letter that does not include real information, then I’m lying to the person’s potential boss and that is not fair. Indeed, I don´t want to be contacted by an employer and not be able to give good accounts of my husband’s niece. I understand nobody’s perfect, and there are times when people leave a bad taste in your mouth, but at least you should reflect and find something good on those people, though it is hard sometimes.

The Test

This quarter, I’m in charge of Reading 1. Some students who have taken this course at INA take a test, and depending on the result, they can validate the course. In fact, this time five students took the test, buy only one validated the course; the other four decided to take the class.

The second day of class a student came to talk to me. He told me that he didn’t have time to take the course, but the EFL program director has told him that I could apply a test to him to validate the course. Then, I asked him, “Where did you take a reading course? At INA?” but he answered that he had never taken a reading course once in his life, but that he knew English. Then, I told him that I was not going to apply a test to him since that is only for students who have already developed the reading skills and strategies the course requests them to master, and knowing how to speak a language is not synonym that he knows how to read critically, infer, draw conclusions, and get meaning from context, besides many other things. Honestly, I felt that student was playing with the system, and he thought things were easy.

I called the ELF program director, and I explained my decision to him, which he understood. Until now, I don’t regret my decision, for I take my profession, and what I do at the university seriously. Personally, I think that because of the size certain groups have, the authorities look for ways to have fewer students by validating courses to them; however, to me that’s not always right. For example, I have a student at Reading 1 who validated the first four speaking courses, but when I hear her speaking English, I can easily notice that she cannot even use simple present tense correctly. Why is she going to do when taking more advanced speaking courses? She is definitely going to fail.

I strongly believe that my opinion as the course professor should be asked before telling any student that he can validate my course; anyhow, I am the one who knows what needs to be worked in class and the level I expect from each of my students by the end of the course.

What do I act the way I do?

After reading each of my entries again, I have come to realize that many of the things I do, and the decisions I made are because building a good reputation is really important to me. Actually, I work hard to create an image that reflects trust to others. In certain way, I try to take consistent actions that embody the characteristics I want others to associate with me: honesty, respect, fairness, justice, loyalty, and many others.

Honestly, I believe  that it is harder to build than to destroy, so anytime I have to make a decision, I carefully think about the consequences since destroying a good reputation only requires a single moment's misstep, and I don´t want that.

As a matter of fact, once I heard someone saying that “a positive reputation is the essence of leadership,” and that has stuck in my mind and my heart. Also, I think I am a leader for many people, including my family, my friends, and my colleagues; therefore, I try to take actions that help me give them reasons to trust me. For example, when deciding whether something is right or wrong, moral or immoral, ethical or unethical, I consider certain aspects:

•       I will try to do the right thing regardless of the cost; even if that implies people getting angry    at me.
•       I will try to act consistently and apply moral values to my behavior.
•      I will think about the alternatives, consequences, and risks before making a decision.

People around me have to know that I am honest and that I care, and that if I say or do something, it is because I have thoroughly thought about it to make the right choice. Perhaps,  this idea of having people’s trust has been with me since I was a little girl, for I still remember my parents telling me about it, and now that I am a mother, I constantly remind my daughter to act accordingly, and not let anybody question who she is.